Not fitting the Stereotype - You are a Woman

It was noon , and everyone was tired after a long morning of lectures and studying. We started arguing about the wording of a formal letter written to the dean of the University . Being the one who wrote it I was defensive . My grammar skills were being questioned and I was offended.It started out as an intellectual argument but then out of nowhere the following words were being yelled out 

 " You are a girl , have some shame . Girls do not talk like that" .

  It was the first time my intellect was looked down at simply because of my gender. I could not comprehend what had just happened.It was not the letter that was flawed , it was not my grammar that was mistaken. We were not having an Intellectual argument. This was a Guy that was offended a female could do a good job without asking for assistance. these were a group of guys who were yelling out profanities so as to demean me and break my confidence. What they did not know was I was not about to fall into their stereotype of what a female should be like. I was not going to be forced to change and lower my IQ simply because that was what they were accustomed to .  


I was In Somalia , a failed state where little boys were raised to think that they were somehow smarter, privileged and entitled to more than a female. Sexism was something foreign to me . An issue I would read about or watch other women make a big deal of.  It was heartbreaking to not only see it firsthand but to experience it as well. 
This was where so called religious schools teach girls and boys that women are lacking in mental capability , that a women's place is at home in the kitchen . this is where teachers are shocked when female students are on honor rolls and tell the boys to step up their education and not let "A girl beat you ". 


Fortunately I was blessed to be in a class with 6 other strong females who felt as I did. The first three years of medical school was a struggle. We were outnumbered and constantly fighting for our voices to be heard. 5 years later I am glad to say we did it . We forced them to treat us with the respect we deserved. Our voices are clearly heard and our opinions are held with importance . Over the course of these years a fellow female classmate and I had the opportunity to be Class presidents . And the lower classes have been influenced and have in turn elected Female Class presidents as well .Something that has not happened before.


That day back in 2007 , was the beginning of our journey into breaking stereotypes, defying cultural norms and changing mindsets for the better. I was only 16 years old , fresh out of high school and naive to what being a Somali female really meant back home . I have the highest form of respect for all women who have had the strength to push forward even when everything was pulling them, You are all an Inspiration to everyone.

For those women in Somalia. Where there is no law to protect them and no culture to stand by them. I pray for all of you and may you have the strength to not give into stereotypes and cultural bullshit. Someday your story will be heard and your struggle will be a source of empowerment for others. 

Sexual Abuse and Homosexuality - Common misconceptions

Before I begin I’d like to make it clear this post is not Intended to criticize, shame or in anyway ridicule Homosexuals. I personally do not care how people express their sexuality, that is their private bussiness and should be treated according.

Recently I ran into this blog called “An Arab Survivor of childhood Abuse” [ a great blog that creates awareness and highlights the memories of a Childood Sexual Abuse victim ] and one of his posts was titled “Am I Gay” . As I read it I remembered some videos I watched on youtube a few years back which was basically an Interview with young arabs who explained how they turned gay. A lot of the times when asked what made you Turn this way ? - Aside from the regular ” I’ve always felt different than other boys” and so on they would usually state their first sexual encounter as being raped or forced into Sex.

I have always heard people state “Once a boy is raped , he sometimes ends up going back to the same act willingly and eventually becomes homosexual”. This might at first sound a little exaggerated but looking into the science of it. It just might be logical:

 Every male has a gland, where doctors refer to as a prostate. The function of the prostate is to store and secrete a slightly alkaline fluid, milky or white in appearance, that usually constitutes 20-30% of the volume of the semen along with spermatozoa and seminal vesicle fluid. (source: Wikipedia) One of the ways to get an erection is by stimulating or massaging the prostate. The prostate gland is just below the bladder, behind the pubic bone and just in front of the rectum. When being raped, the abuser directly stimulates the prostate which results in an erection and sometimes even an ejaculation..  

Most Victims of Sexual Abuse might not know that although you are being forced into it, your body will not realize the difference .Which Leaves them feeling guilty for enjoying such an act of violation, Or considering themselves gay because according to them “no straight male would enjoy such an act”, when in the contrary if any male was put in the same situation , their body would have  reacted in the same exact way. 

One of the things lacking in great parts of Asia and Africa in general is Counselling for victims of rape, Domestic violence and so on. Alot of it owing back to how these things are considered Inappropriate to speak of and usually kept behind closed doors , Leaving the victim stuck in that state of feeling used, responsible for the act and forever a cast from society. Over the past few years the number of kidnappings and abuse of little boys has increased greatly alongside the number of individuals who come out as being homosexual. Maybe and this is just a hypothesis : This could be due to a misunderstanding or lack of knowledge that just because your body responds in a particular way during rape or sexual Abuse, it does not mean you are automatically considered Gay/Homosexual. 

PS: This does not mean everyone who is gay has been raped or Sexually abused, or everyone who is victimized is gay. It is simply a different perspective on things and should be viewed objectively. The correlation between rape and homosexuality that I stated is relevant to the middle east and the Arab world in general . I do not know if it is applicable elsewhere.

African Union - friend or foe ?

Muhideen Mohamed, who works with the charity, said troops from Amisom - the AU peacekeeping force which was patrolling the city - fired on the journalists as they travelled to the airport, where they were based.

“Amisom killed a Malaysian journalist and injured another between the K4 road junction and Mogadishu airport on Friday,” Mr Mohamed, the aid group’s local coordinator, told Reuters.

The claim could not be verified and AU officials were not immediately available for comment. 

So al-Shabaab pull out of Somalia for the first time in years . they have been out of the capital for almost 4 weeks now. And the news headlines says : Malaysian journalist shot dead in moqadishu . The first thing that came to mind was :AL - SHABAB ARE BACK !!! IT HAS TO BE THEM !! I KNEW IT !! . But surprisingly it’s the African Union . I don’t fully understand why the very people who were brought into the country to help uphold peace would shoot a journalist to death . I remember Many Somalis being against bringing in the African Union in the first place . But the question is : Is this a one time incident ? Or has the African Union been doing this for a while , all under the Cover of Al- Shabaab? . I’m just really interested in what their statement is going to be regarding this situation. 

Could it be the African Union is just as bad as Al-Shabaab?? Do they really have a role in Somalia’s 21 year long Civil war ? 

Deportation and the Inhumane process - Stories from those who experienced it

 -He was a resident in the country for 60 years , taking refuge in a place he believed would bring him closer to the house of God. Today he spends his days behind prison in the uttmost humiliation and embarassment. He is heart broken and too depressed to express how he feels . his words - 7asbi Allah wa Ni3m Al wakiil. 7asbi Allah wa Ni3m Al wakil and so he repeats . His wife and children share a similar faith , with thoughts of famine and poverty and a return to a place they have not seen , They have lost hope in those they once called their brothers and Sisters in faith.

- She was unconscious and in need of medical help , an old woman too sick to understand what was going on around her. After being refused admission from at least 4 hospitals , simply because she is a citizen of a failed state . She is treated at home with an NG tube down her nose being her only feeding method . Her son , sheds tears of blood . you can see the anger in his eyes. He asks rather shocked: How do you people live ? Animals are treated better than this . Ina lillah Wa Ina Ilayhi Raji3oon , Ina Lillah Wa Ina Ilayhi Raji3oon !!! are all he can utter before he breaks into a sob . 

- It’s 3:am in the morning and their door is forcefully broken down , it is only a second before they are being dragged out of their bedroom in their night gowns . the 2 month old baby cries at all the noise, the mother has no chance at grabbing a head scarf or guarding her modesty. The husband in a moment of rage asks : Why are you treating as like this, are we not muslims like you ?. His reply is a beating that will leave him bruised for weeks . the next few weeks are spent in jail , followed by a forceful deportation without a chance for goodbyes or the likes of it. 

- She went out with the intention of getting groceries from the local market but she did not know it would be the last time she walked those streets again. With her two infants at her sides, she is stopped in the middle of the street and jailed. I wonder why it was her that was stopped and not the woman or man right beside her . It must’ve been because she looked african or was it because she was not flashing the latest abaya or handbag ? Was her rather modest look what gave her away ??. It’s been only 2 years since she made that dreadful journey in a fishing boat and through the arabian desert. She regrets choosing this country as her destination. But I guess it’s only a lesson learned and a mistake not to be repeated. 

- He was stabbed by a national in broad daylight.After 3 weeks in a hospital in critical condition. He recovers and gives his statement to the police and with witnesses present , he is sure to get justice. a week later and he hears his offender is released and free to run the streets. In a moment of rage he takes justice into his own hands . An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth . But he is no national , and justice is only served when seemed appropriate . He is deported with a criminal record and content in his heart. Justice he has truly served . 

They all fled a country that was burning in flames , only to be returned to it with heavy hearts and their remaining dignity burned to ashes.They hoped for a better future and now those simple dreams have been beaten down and shattered. They laughed at those who ran elsewhere , thinking their brothers would be more merciful of their circumstance but today they regret the choices they made and vow to only return to such a place when their passports puts authorities at unease.

- Is it not funny how respect is given based on a document and not because of your right to one…. 

Rape, Teen Pregnancies and Society

Last night as my mom , the maid and I sat watching tv. My mom mentioned how 2 girls were raped a few days ago by 3 guys on their way home .The maid instantly jumped in and said

 ”They knew the guys , they didn’t just get kidnapped and raped , so they deserve what happened to them”.

 Before I could respond , my mom was already at it :

 ” Just because they knew them does not give them the right to rape .Would you be okay with getting raped just because you were out with a guy ?.  No one deserves to be raped and those men should be sentenced for life”.

It was only then I realized how Rape and teen Pregnancies have become fairly common over the last few years in this part of the world. 

I cannot even begin to put my frustration into words when it comes to rape. But when in Somalia, Rape takes on a whole new dimension. Rape in Somalia is a quick way to make money for some. You are probably wondering how ? . Let me Introduce you to the Clan Ideology : If any harm happens to you , your Clan serve as your Justice system.There will be a meeting with the victim’s clan Seniors and the Offenders clan seniors. They will discuss the amount of damage caused and the most suitable ruling. Usually the only suitable ruling is a certain sum of money set by the Victim’s Clan. So when a girl does get raped , the rapist does not get punished in any way or form. However the two clans have a sit together and decide on the number of dollars to be payed as a form of compensation.Now here’s the interesting part .This so called compensation for the girl never makes it into her hands , However it is divided among the Clan members and the closest it get’s to the lawful recepient is through her father . A mere 2-4% of the actual compensation.the offender always walks away free of charge with a simple scolding not  to repeat the offense so as his Clan do not have to pay anymore money. Behold the Clan/tribe Ideology!!!!. That is only One of the many reasons why Rape is so frequent around this place. Another reason being that very thinking so many people share ; TURNING THE VICTIM INTO THE CULPRIT.  

“Oh why was she out after 9pm” .

” why was she with a guy in the first place” .

” Why was she walking in that part of town alone” .

” Why was she dressed in that manner” 

She brought it on herself ,SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT , SHE DESERVES IT !! SAY NO TO SYMPATHY , SAY NO TO LOGIC , SAY NO TO REASONING!!!

I just don’t understand these statements. Nobody wants to be raped . It could happen to anyone really . It could happen at 12pm noon, to a woman dressed like a ninja. It is society that is messed up for trying to make excuses for such kind of people. Why not make excuses for the victim instead. Why not Question the offender’s behavior. Why not for once put aside all the sexism and Just say right from wrong.

About a year ago I did a post on teen girls burning themselves for what I considered silly reasons .[ here’s the post ]. Back then Rape was not so common, However there was a reasonable number of teen pregnancies.

Back in march this year I was assigned to the Gyn/Obs ward at the general Hospital in town , we did 6 days a week , 7 hour shifts for 3 months. The one thing that caught my attention during that period was the number of little girls that were coming in pregnant. Before this time , I was only familiar with the daily gossip that went around town but what I was not aware of was the actual scale of this issue.But what made this even more interesting is how when they were asked about the father of the child , Most of them responded in the same manner :

He refused to claim responsibility for the child and is in no way planning to be a part of this.  

Most of these girls were lured in with dreams of being married and finding her happily ever after. They were all promised love and support , only to be used and dumped. For those of you that are sitting there thinking “Oh well she did consent to it ,She should take responsibility for it .” Isn’t the fact that she is going through with the pregnancy while still in school enough proof of her owning up to her mistake. But my question is why not place the same harsh stigmas on the other person involved,Afterall it was not a pen that impregnated her. It is that guy you make excuses for time and time again

” Oh he was young and naive” .

” He will grow to be a fine gentleman” .

“She seduced him into it , he would never have done it otherwise”